The following laws have been thoroughly researched, but some did not seem to have official entries explaining the laws. The disclaimer ,then, is some of these may have recently been repealed , or in one or two cases, I am not 100% sure the law was real to begin with. Most of these were found on more than one site, and with that, I am assuming they are or were true. All commentary is mine unless otherwise noted.
It is a state law in Alabama for anyone to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church. What if it was a real mustache that just looked funny? Is that okay? Also, were those people fined or sent to prison?
Another state law states that boogers may not be flicked into the wind. Well, no. One does not want boogers to fly back in their face. After awhile you'd look like Swamp Thing. I guess you could duck so the booger lands on poor sod behind you. My obvious questions are: How do find someone guilty of this? Most people do not have dash board cams to videotape the evidence. Also, what's the punishment? Lastly, what exactly happened for this to become law?
The state of Alabama also has a law on the books that says you may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time. Obviously, the thing is going to melt, ruin your clothing, and leave one butt cheek numb. Is the punishment then to clean your clothes by beating them against a rock, or would you then be fined? Jail time?
The next state law amuses me because I really want to know what idiot did this, and who petitioned the state government to pass a law that states : Elephants may not be placed in electric ovens. So, gas ovens are okay? Kilns are okay too? When were there elephants in Alabama other than the circus, and who tried to pack a pachyderm into an oven in the first place? I think the penalty should be sticking your head in a microwave on high!
Apparently in Alabama incestuous marriages are legal. You read that right,L-E-G-A-L! You cannot marry your dog or horse, but you can marry your mom and dad. No comment.
In Mobile it is illegal to spit orange peels on the sidewalk. What? Lemon peels are okay? W
A state law in Alaska says it is forbidden to view moose from an airplane. What happens if you just happen to see one? Do I have to turn away? What if it's Mike Mussina (aka Moose. He was a pitcher for the New York Yankees) visiting Alaska? What is it about moose that this law had to be passed? Maybe one had phallic antlers? Did that wobbly thing on their neck resemble a booby? Were the moose pole dancing in -10 degree weather? What's the penalty?
In Fairbanks, it is considered an offense to feed beverages that contain alcohol to moose. What does this state have against moose? Who was the dufus who offered Bullwinkle a Jagerbomb?
Now this next one perplexes me greatly. In Juneau (the state capitol), owners of flamingos may not let their pet into a barber shop. That wasn't a typo!You read that correctly! If this was Louisiana,I would understand the flamingo reference, but this is Alaska. What flamingos? Where would you keep one? How would you keep it warm? What happens if the flamingo does go into the barber shop? What if it sings? Does it get a free feather trimming? “Take an inch off my tail feathers?” How do you punish the person who does this? Better yet, how did this law come about?
Poor Edgar Allan Poe would not be allowed in Arizona as there is a state law that states “Any misdemeanor committed while wearing a red mask is considered a felony.” However, if you commit a misdemeanor while wearing a Batman costume,it's still misdemeanor.
State law also says that donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs. 1. What idiot let his donkey into the bathtub? I guess he just wanted a piece of ass (groan). 2. This may be why the state of Arizona is primarily Republican.
In Arizona, it is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine, but please by all means go ahead and make the real stuff!
State law says you may not have more than two dildos in a house. I want to know how they enforce this law!
In Prescott, no one is permitted to ride their horse up the stairs of the county court house. What about riding him down the stairs?
Arkansas has a problem with acts of nature. For example, The Arkansas River cannot rise any higher than the Main Street Bridge in Little Rock. Did anyone consult Mother Nature before making this law?
What if the Arkansas River gets so bloated she feels like she's going to burst? “Can you explode over there?” “You can't come in.”
A state law provides the school teachers who bob their hair will not get a raise. Is this one still on the books? Is this for women and men?
A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month. Can a woman beat him back?
Alligators may not be kept in bathtubs. First donkeys. Now alligators. What's next? Sea monkeys? Unicorns?
Can someone please tell my why , in Little Rock, it is unlawful to walk one's cow down Main Street after 1pm on Sunday? I'll walk my cow wherever I please! Why after 1pm? Church services are in the morning. So, my cow can come with me to church, but not go to my aunt's at 1:01! Perhaps, 1pm is when the aliens come to take over my livestock.
Now, Florida might want to take issue with this following California state law: sunshine is guaranteed to the masses. After all California is not the “Sunshine State.” With that said, if sunshine is guaranteed then there would be a constant drought and there wouldn't be any mudslides. I guess they forgot to have that talk with Mother Nature. So, if it does rain, what does one do? Fine G-d? I wonder what the penalties are for breaking this law.
Another state law that perplexes me is: women may not drive in a house coat. Why not? If granny is cruising the Sunset Strip for men at night (stop laughing), then there is no reason why she cannot wear her house coat. How in the world are you going to hold this law up? Are you going to strip search grandma? Are you going to make her change her clothes? Also, are men allowed to wear house coats while driving? A bit sexist don't you think?
Belvedere, California has an ordinance that makes it illegal for a dog to be in a public place without its master on a leash. Perhaps, they need to go back to high school? Something is wrong with your modifiers! Alas, I agree with this one. A dog should have his/her master on a leash. By-the way dogs aren't slaves. People aren't their masters. They are their family!
Chico says that if you detonate a nuclear device within the city limits you will be fined $500. Never mind that you will most likely be dead, and so will everyone around you,but you will have to pay that hefty fine anyway!
Fresno makes me wonder what is in the water? It is illegal to annoy a lizard in the park. What if it were the Lizard King himself, Jim Morrison? Oh didn't see that one coming did you? What if it was Godzilla visiting his cousins in Fresno? Can the lizards bother you? What happens if you go up to someone's pet iguana and ask for his/her paw? Do you then go to jail for lizard molestation?
In Los Angeles, toads may not be licked. What are you people on? Frogs become princes if you kiss them. Perhaps,if you lick a toad it becomes a traveling salesman?
Now, I am sure Colorado has some great state laws to make fun of, but I wasn't impressed with what I found. In this case, we shall go straight to the cities.
In Alamosa, it is illegal to throw missiles at cars. You can throw rocks apparently. Most likely you can even fertilizer, but don't try to throw an ICBM at a car. I seriously want to know if they meant military missiles or any object that can become airborne and cause damage. There is a slight difference between a missile and a projectile.
Aspen doesn't want anyone to fire their catapult at buildings. Technically speaking, couldn't they fire their projectiles at Alamosa? I am afraid to ask who used the catapult and what were they hurling at the buildings?
Boulder you made me laugh hard because the following law is still on your books: it is illegal to permit one's llama graze on city property. The correct law should be it is illegal to allow one's llama to spit in the face of unsuspecting passersby.
In Denver, it is illegal to lend your vacuum cleaner to your next door neighbor. Does this mean you can lend it to your neighbor across the street? Are they afraid one might try to give him/herself a hickey with the suction tube? Maybe they were afraid someone would create some kind of void that just sucks the life out of a room. Is their jail time for this offense?
The following law made me squirt water through my nose: in Sterling, no cat may run loose without having been fit with a tail light. Do they come with little beeping attachments so you know when your cat is backing up? If the owner is a policeman or a fire man do they get flashing tail lights?
A state law of Connecticut mandates that it is not lawful to keep town records where liquor is sold. Did those go back to colonial days or something? Did someone get drunk and throw away property deeds? Did someone get drunk and throw up all over the birth records?
I did not know that Connecticut was known for their pickles,but apparently they are because there is a law that states in order for a pickle to be considered a pickle, it must bounce. I would assume one would not want to eat a pickle that bounced. I am now trying to picture the Vlassic Stork bouncing pickles on the sidewalk. Come to think of it, that would be a great job—Pickle tester! Now, the obvious question is what happened their needed to be a state law passed on pickles?
Hartford is the capitol of Connecticut and also the Insurance Capital of the United States. With that said, Hartford seems to have some odd problems. For instance, in Hartford, you aren’t allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands. You may use someone else's hands. Most likely you can butt scoot across the street. You may do the Dougie crossing the street, but should you walk on your hands across the street, you will be breaking the law. Should we call this H-walking? Are you fined if you break this law?
Also, in Hartford, they discriminate against dogs! You are allowed to educate cats, parrots,llamas, horses....even dust bunnies, but you are not allowed to educate dogs! Most people who own dogs would be in jail if this was enforced because they taught their dogs how to sit, give their paws, and roll over. Some doggie parents even taught their playful pooches to fetch. I taught my dog to play poker and count to four using one paw. If I lived in Hartford, I'd probably be in jail for life!
Delaware is yet another state that has no state laws that I found all that amusing. So, we shall get right to the cities.
In Lewes, you may not get married on a dare. If you do so it is grounds for an annulment. What if you were drunk? I guess that is okay!
Stay tuned for Part II! I apologize for any formatting errors.